I love you. I love your heart to make the world a safer place for me, for people like me, and people so very different from me. I admire your empathy that comes from such a genuine place when it feels like we have little in common. I don’t think you’re individually falling short. I see Hope almost daily from the allies I surround myself with. I am encouraged, impressed, and moved.

LGBTQ+ people could take on the fight for equality on our own but it would be much slower and I think less joyful. Thank you for coming alongside us.

I don’t have all the answers for how to be a stronger ally, but I have some ideas. The wheels started turning this week when I watched this video from Kevin Garcia, and I started to ask myself, what does allyship in the Church look like? Here are 3 ways I’d love to see positive change.

1) Can you speak up a little louder?

Representation is everything and that applies to affirming Christians. I imagine that most affirming Christians have had some kind of journey to get to that place. Could you share that journey with your small group, your Church, your family, your social media? I know it could be scary, but it’s not as scary as coming out. Please do this with intention, not to out anyone in your circles, but sharing why you are affirming could comfort those people near you.

Some simpler, more routine ways to voice your support could be to include your pronouns in your Instagram bio and celebrate Pride month by sharing posts from LGBTQ+ creators.

2) Take a hard look at the church you attend. If you attend a non-affirming church, why?

In the video I linked earlier, Kevin raises some good questions like – if your queer friend wouldn’t feel safe attending your church, why do you?

I can’t help but think that if you actually believed that – that your church isn’t safe for everyone – that should make you want to leave. I know it isn’t that simple though. Not when your dad’s the pastor, or you work there, or your children are so well-connected, or your family has attended for generations. There are so many reasons to stay and I am understanding to them. I wonder though, if you are committed to staying, can you equally commit to enacting change? Can you stay to challenge the leadership to not only accept LGBTQ+ members, but affirm they are made in God’s image and there will be no work to deter them from the way they were made? Can you commit to encouraging LGBTQ+ be hired and placed on staff at your church? (Again, representation). Can you commit to doing the hard work for us when we can’t?

3) Validate the hurt the Church has directly inflicted.

Comments like “That’s not how the Church is meant to be” or “That’s not real Christianity” feel dismissive. I know it comes from a good place, but for many of us that grew up in churches, it feels too real. Some churches are intentionally excluding and hurting. We need to know you know that.

So when an LGBTQ+ person shares their story of being hurt by the church, know that is not your job to sell them on your church. Nor is it your job to tell them it can be better. We’re still standing and are living proof it does get better.

Instead, I’d encourage you to listen without agenda. Be a friend above all else. Be the one whose heart breaks with them. Be the one who says, “That’s awful. You are perfect the way you are. You didn’t deserve that.”

Allies, thank you for holding space for these ideas and I hope they get your wheels turning too about how to show up for us in your spaces. Those spaces, whether you know it or now, have queer people around you. They could be your neighbor, your elder, your child. Think of them when you think of making your church safer.

With love,


My monthly letter drops the last Saturday of the month. If you enjoyed reading this post, I think you’ll love my Lighten the Load letter. I’d be honored to share it with you.

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